Social Extroverts who are Big Time Personal Introverts

The other day I was talking to a wonderful person about relationships, Rumi, love and other philosophical things of life; it was pretty late in the night and we had become the wisest people of this earth like we all do become in our late night chats with the people we click. So, it was one such night with one such conversation where I came up with this classification of myself.

I am like the most talkative person of my life who can blabber about almost anything from the nip of the pen to the blackhole of the universe. And when I say anything I mean anything, it doesn’t necessarily make them senseless, they can be sensible too. I process things pretty quick and I stand up for my nonsense too as I like to take responsibility for whatever shit I do. And that’s what make me an utterly nonsense sensible person. Ya ya I know language isn’t correct but bear with me guys , I have learnt this language from the subtitles more than the textbooks.

And when you have the ability to talk about anything, you can’t keep yourself mum for long, so I get into discussions more than often with random strangers and at most weird of the places in the most awkward situations on rarest of the issues. And I have got my own share of embarrassment for this too but oh boy! what a thrill every single memory gives.

But when it comes to discussing about my emotions to the people I love and care about, I become blank, words evade my universe like petrol was never discovered. I will beat around the bush but the words that need to be said, they just go wandering like kids do before giving their class tests, only difference being kids return after a while but my words don’t.

I take ages to get comfortable before expressing my feelings about someone , I set a field, I set out a watch , I wait and then pray that the other person leaves before I express anything and if after an endless waiting and trying to push the other person away, the other person still stays, I wait for the other person to express their side first. Maybe its because I am afraid of rejection or maybe I am afraid of commitments or I don’t want to push anyone to be with me or I don’t feel myself to be worthy of someone’s love but whatever it is, I never take the first step. And when I take the step, I don’t take it back. I just don’t know how to. So, this may also be one of the reasons that I don’t want to take the step in the first place because we can never be sure whether our steps are right.

And the times when steps were retracted, those were shattering, like nightmares. Still painful, wounds fresh like we were injured just now, making me more introvert when it comes to sharing my feelings to the people I love, care and cherish but making me more chattery, extrovert and accessible to the random strangers in general at the same time.

We can chatter nonsense. But when it comes to express ourselves especially to the people we love , we loose words. And we take our own time to get comfortable with that.

“Spread Love whenever and wherever you can.”

Khajuriasakshi (aka myself)